Natalie Freaking Portman…My Top 4 Favorite NP Films

If you’re reading this blog post, there’s a chance you saw the title and went “ohmigod yas, I freaking love Natalie Portman !” To that I would respond, “I know, right? She’s awesome.” I would probably also offer you a fist bump, because that’s something I frequently do.

Or maybe you saw the title and thought, “Ew, why Natalie Portman ?” In response, I would politely suggest that you hop off my blog-Right now, thank you.  I have the most obnoxious Jersey girl accent you’ve ever heard in your life , and so I would actually tell you to hop aww-ff. You might also get a  Bye, Felicia, depending on my mood.

But yeah, I literally went on Netflix last night and did a search for Natalie Portman movies alone.  I must admit, I’m really bad when it comes to watching  films- I have a very limited attention span for them. Most of the time, when my friends asked me if I’ve seen this movie or that movie, my answer is “lol, no.” While I’m an eternal optimist in every other area of my life, I tend to be of the mindset that most movies out there SUCK. I knew I could rest assured that  if I searched only for Natalie Portman movies, I would be sure to find something I would genuinely enjoy. Her movies  always either yank HARD on my heart strings, make me laugh and/or feel warm and fuzzy, or keep me on the edge of my seat with anticipation.


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Not going to lie- I  also think she’s  really, really pretty. I always find myself watching her films going, “hmm, I think I too have that lipgloss color she’s wearing. My hair  is naturally  curly also-  It would only take all fucking day and several hundred dollars to change it  to the same color as hers. No big deal.” I know I look nothing like her, not even in my wildest dreams. It’s sort of like when I was a  little girl, and planned on growing up to become a farmer who taught elementary school and starred in movies in the summer time;  I knew deep down that none of that  shit was actually going to happen, the same way that I’m currently aware that   I look absolutely NOTHING like Natalie Portman. Let me live-or dream.. whatever.


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So now,  here’s the part where I give you my top 4 favorites. Ready? Go!

Garden State (2004)


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I’m obsessed with this feel good movie. Zach Braff ( Did I mention that I’m a sucker for nice Jewish boys?) is technically the star. He plays Andrew Largeman, a young  adult struggling to make it as an actor in Los Angeles, who returns home to New Jersey for his mother’s funeral. He has a very strained relationship with his father. Things have been pretty shaky between them ever since he was a child. For years,  Largeman has been living with guilt  from having caused  a tragic accident, one so severe that it  rendered his mother a parapalegic.  Largeman’s father, who also happens to be a psychiatrist, has always  blamed him for his wife’s traumatic loss. He immediately sent his young son to boarding school so that he would be kept  away from the family. He also  forced him to take all of these heavy duty psychiatric  medications that he didn’t truly need.

Largeman learns how to feel again during his trip home to the Garden State.  This is largely due to his new friendship with a girl named Sam (played by my girl, Natalie P). The  two find each other  by chance in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. All I can say is leave it to Natalie Portman to play the cutest pathological liar you’ve ever seen in your life. Sam is a really goofy, quirky, loveable character. I’ll admit that she would probably be mad annoying if she was real, but on screen she’s just bubbly and  adorable.

Black Swan (2010)


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Oh shit, this is a really dark, fucked up film. NP is scary skinny (but still beautiful, because let’s face it; how could she not be?), and plays a ballerina named Nina, who suffers from severe hallucinations and a hardcore obsession with perfection that is perpetuated by her dance teacher, who is a really sick, pervy dude. He is forever saying inappropriate things to make her feel insecure. Nina believes everything he says, and is eager to oblige him, so that she can fuflill the lead part in the Swan Lake ballet. He purposefully pays a lot of compliments to Mila Kunis’s character, to make Nina feel inadequate af.

Tip-  If you’re worried that your boyfriend won’t agree to watch this movie with you, let  him know that there’s a lesbian scene between MK and NP. It’s a really brief scene-at least it was really brief when I saw the film. I’m pretty sure I skipped over it entirely; I was living at home at the time and my dad unknowingly came and sat down on the couch next to me with his dinner right  minutes before it started . Awkward lol. So glad this happened after invention of the DVD…I can’t imagine having to wait for that to fast forward.

No Strings Attached (2011)


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Miss Portman plays this really gorgeous ER doctor opposite Ashton Kutcher, who plays an equally gorgeous, aspiring screen writer with a famous actor dad who also happens to be dating his ex girlfriend… yeah, anyway..NP and AK’s characters were  summer camp friends as teenagers, who happen to run into each other again as young adults. To make a long story short, they start hooking up and NP won’t let their relationship become more than anything sexual out of  a fear/insecurity of falling in love…they inadvertently (you guessed it) end up falling in love with each other anyway. It’s a pretty predictable movie, but it’s just so cute. There’s a hot guy and a hot girl in it, and so your boyfriend/husband/boy toy probably won’t mind watching it with you. Just saying.

The Other Woman (2009)


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This is what I ended up watching yesterday. Natalie Portman plays Emilia, a legal aid who is married to this rich, successful lawyer who already has a son with his nasty ex-wife. The mean ex is played by Phoebe from Friends.  I should mention that it’s  called the Other Woman because Emilia became involved with her successful, attorney-husband while he was still married to Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow, I know). Their marriage had been falling apart, and probably would’ve ended whether or not Emilia had come into the picture. Mind you, I’m not trying to suggest that it’s a positive choice to sleep with married people-keep in mind that this is just a movie… Still, Emilia is the recipient of a lot of hate and negative attention from the parents and staff at her step son’s school. She’s a pretty likeable, down to earth character. You’ll feel for her when you watch.

It gets worse, in terms of the sadness factor. I have yet to mention that the movie centers around recent the death of Emilia’s new born baby, Isabel. The movie starts out really cute, with all these pictures of the new baby. You’ll find out a few minutes into the film that the  little tiny baby they just spent five  straight minutes showing you  died when she was just three days old. As you can imagine, this is something that Emilia really struggles with throughout the film.

Now, you have a whole list of movies that you simply must go and see, starring the gorgeous and talented Natalie Portman. You’re so welcome!


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