How NOT to be a Terrible Friend

Ah, true friendship. One of the greatest blessings in life. I happen to have a great group of friends, the same girlies I went to high school with. We still text each other all the time and have girls’ nights as much as possible. We are all very busy, but still always manage to keep in touch. Our favorite thing to do is get sushi (sesame chicken for Shannon ❤️) and drink fruity flavored wine. So much fun.

There’s also my Ree Ree, who has been my bestest girly since the seventh grade, when we would both “forget” our gym clothes on purpose so we could sit on the bleachers and gab. She’s such a doll, my high school friends love her too. She’s frequently a part of our sushi excursions. Only she likes the spicy beef lomein.

True friendship is a wonderful thing. It’s so lovely and precious to have people to confide in, people to spend quality time with, people to make sure you have a cake on your birthday. You know where I’m going with this.

What a lot of people (not my girlies) can sometimes forget is that having friends comes with responsibilities. Like the responsibility to not be a terrible person, for example.

I’ve decided that it would be a good idea to write a blog post on how not to be a terrible friend. My girlies are golden, but I would be lying if I said that I haven’t encountered some people along the way who just didn’t make the cut.Bye, Felicias!

So I’ve compiled a list of three things, three big friendship no-nos. You’ll want to avoid doing these things, unless being a terrible friend is a conscious decision you’ve committed to (karma’s got your number, baby cakes).

Here we go…

1. If someone is truly your friend, you shouldn’t be talking about her when she isn’t present -Unless you’re talking about how cute she looked wearing her new Mac lipstick, or how much you love being friends with her, this is NOT okay. You should already know what I’m talking about. If you have a problem with something your girl has said or done, you should be going to her about it, and no one else. Going behind her back solves nothing. If she finds out that you did this (which she more than likely will), she’s going to be pissed. What’s more, she’s going to be deeply hurt. The rule is- If you don’t have anything nice to say-find a nice way to say it. And say it to her face.

The one exception (a.k.a, I’m guilty) -if your friend’s boyfriend is totally intolerable. We choose our friends but not their boyfriends. If your girl is bringing her super annoying boyfriend along on group outings, by all means, vent amongst your other friends about what a moronic dweeb he is. They probably feel the same way you do. You’ll need to do this together, to keep your sanity in tact. I totally get it. Been there done that.

Ladies- if your boyfriend is really freaking boring,tells corny jokes, complains about the food when you go out to eat with your group of friends-you have to know that your peeps are going to talk about him. Collectively. Only because we love you and don’t understand how someone as amazing as you has landed herself such a painfully stupid boyfriend.

You also have to know that we have a list of inside jokes that goof on all of the idiotic things he has said in front of us. Don’t worry, we will be more than happy to share said list with you when you guys break up and you can’t stand him anymore. “What was I thinking?” you’ll say, laughing out loud with us. “We have no idea, ” we will laugh along with you. “But we’re so glad he’s gone. Love you, let’s get Starbucks!”
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2. Admit your mistakes. Everyone makes them from time to time, even in the best of friendships. All you have to say is sorry. Real friends don’t make excuses or try to divert attention from themselves by bringing up mistakes that were made years ago by other friends. Be a good person, say you’re sorry, and move on. The end.

3. Stay in touch– It doesn’t mean you have to talk every day. My girlies and I text a lot, but we probably only hang out about once a month. My girl, Anastasia and I probably only see each other about three times a year-the point is, make the time as often as you can.

Friendship is a two way street. You must show effort to keep it strong . If you aren’t doing this, you don’t get to call yourself a friend. You can’t repeatedly ignore a person’s text messages and then think that it’s acceptable to stick a flier in their mailbox asking them to buy magazines from your child’s school. I don’t understand what goes through people’s heads at times , seriously…

So yeah, there you have it. Don’t be fake, own your screw-ups, and make the effort to stay in touch. Sounds easy enough right? I hope so.

What are your thoughts? Did I leave anything out? Let me know in the comments below. If you enjoyed this blog and would like to see others like it, please follow me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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So you want to try online dating…

Hey all 🙂

For my first entry, I thought it would be cool to talk about online dating. The whole premise of this blog is to talk about things I have personally experienced-thus the name “basedonatruestory91”. I’m definitely very familiar with online dating. I used a website to meet people for about four months before I found my wonderful boyfriend of four years, who I currently live with.

Relax, this is not an eHarmony ad.

I promise I’m not being sponsored by any website to write this. I totally wish I were. In fact, if there’s an online dating company that would like to come to our apartment to take pictures and interview Steve and me while we feed each other cake and talk about how much we love each other and make consumers projectile vomit everywhere , please feel free to private message me so we can set something up. Pssh, if only.

This is my list of do’s and don’ts for anyone who is thinking about giving online dating  a try.  It’s essentially the same shit I tell my girlfriends, therefore it’s written with a female audience in mind. Any guys who might be reading might want to show it to his little sister, or another female that he cares about. Sit back, relax-potentially learn? Above all ,enjoy 🙂

Let’s begin on a positive note, shall we? The Do’s.

Do be Classy-So you’re in the process of deciding what pictures of yourself you should  upload to your profile. Or maybe you’re taking new pictures especially for your page, so that your potential love interest/ future husband/ eff buddy/next mistake/whatever has a good idea of what you currently look like. It probably goes without saying (I’m going to say it anyway) that you want to keep your look conservative. That means cover up! You don’t have to wear a burka or anything crazy-just wear outfits that fit properly. You definitely don’t want to be popping out of your clothes. It sends the wrong message.

Note- if you feel you the urge pop out a LITTLE bit to show off what you presume to be one of your best features-like say you have really great cleavage. It’s totally fine, in my humble opinion, to have a picture of yourself wearing a shirt that’s a TEENSY WEENSY bit low cut. The idea is for  your next whatever to be like, “Wow, it look’s like she might have some nice boobs” not “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD LOOK AT THOSE BIG OLE-“you get my drift.

Do Friend on Facebook– When I was meeting guys online, “Do you have Facebook?” was always one of my first questions. I wouldn’t advise making plans to meet anyone in person that you haven’t had the opportunity to investigate on there.  Facebook is great because it gives you a better idea of what the guy really looks like. You also get to see what his friends look like, if he’s friends with his Mom, etc.  I’m aware that Facebook isn’t foolproof. There are, of course, creepers that have no life that sit home and make fake dating profiles with matching fake Facebook (fake books? tee hee) accounts. Just be careful.

The best is when you add a guy on Facebook and you have mutual friends in common. I once added a guy who went to high school with my girl, Anastasia. I was considering meeting him, until I asked her what she thought of him. “He’s nice, but one time in class, I saw him pick his boogers and eat them.” Uhh, NEXT!

Do tell someone where you’re going– If you do decide to meet someone, you should definitely tell at least one person who is close to you where you are going-preferibly someone you live with. I kid you not- I used to take screenshots of the guys’ pics and text them to both of my parents, along with their real names, profile names, and phone numbers. I have girlfriends that send me the same information before they go out with someone new. In today’s day and age, you can never be too careful.

Now for the Don’ts. Dun dun dun!

Don’t forget to set a time limit-This is so important to remember for when you’re meeting up with a guy you met online for the very first time. I don’t care how cute he looks in his profile pic, or how much you enjoy texting with him until two in the morning. I cannot stress this enough-if you have not met before, you cannot be sure that you’re going to enjoy each other’s company. I used to make it a point to tell the guy beforehand that I only had one hour to chill. There were several occasions where I ended up hanging out for longer than that. There were also a few times where I ran for the hills  immediately after the agreed upon amount of time had passed. If you remember only one tip from this blog, let it be this one.

Don’t do dinner the first time around- Something super low key (and super cheap) is best for a first meet up. I personally used to like meeting up at coffee houses. Going off of the first don’t-it’s kind of hard to do dinner and set a time limit. The whole going to the bathroom and never coming back thing is just plain mean and only works in the movies. Ditto having one of your friends call you pretending to be frantic, claiming that they need you to leave your date and save them from some dire not real life or death situation. Not nice.

I once made the mistake of going out to dinner with a guy the first time we met up. He was a really nice person, but we just didn’t click. It was the most awkward waste of time ever-I don’t even feel bad saying that, as I’m completely sure he would agree. He would also say it was a waste of money. Poor dude was a total gentleman and paid for my dinner even though we clearly didn’t have it going on. At the time, I was going to school and working a minimum wage job. #toopoortoargue It was a really good meal too, we had PF Changs. I ordered the beef with broccoli. The whole time, I just kept thinking, “Ugh, we have nothing in common…Damn, this food is so good…but we really really have nothing in common…but this dish is really really friggin good!” I ate the entire thing. Thanks, Brah. I promise I’m not typically such a terrible person.

Last but certainly not least…drumroll please…

Don’t post old photos, or photos that you know damn well don’t look anything like the real you– just don’t. Maybe you’ve gained some weight since last year, or you recently got a crappy haircut. Maybe you just love the way that one Instagram filter looks on you. Unless you plan on hiding behind the computer forever, it isn’t worth it. For one thing, it’s misleading. Admit it, you’d be so turned off if someone did that to you. Nobody likes that. Come on now, you know it’s wrong.

More importantly, it sends the wrong message to numero uno-that is, you, my friend! Posting a picture that you know looks nothing like yourself is insulting. It says, “I don’t look good enough as I am”-, which is ridiculous, and so inaccurate.  Remember that everyone suffers from low self esteem at one time or another. My advice would be to have a friend take some new, up to date photos  for you. Or you can take them yourself-#selfienation. Do something to make yourself feel good-wear your favorite lipstick, or that pretty sweater everyone says brings out the color of your eyes. Whatever you do, don’t hide ❤ There’s nothing more attractive than confidence.

Now I feel all mushy and inspirational inside, like Oprah. 😀

If there are any do’s and don’ts that I forgot, please comment below! I would love to hear what others have to say.

If you enjoyed this blog entry and would like to see others like it, please follow me.