Who are We

We keep odd hours
as our minds come alive at random times.

We know it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission
as we pursue our reckless dreams.

Our conflicts are our treasures
gifts made out of content, the most precious material

Our worries inspire us
the what if’s make the best creations

We rarely make plans
when we do, we never follow them

We enjoy the finer things in life
like Swedish Fish, good conversation, and watching strangers ride the bus

We may sometimes lose our way
ignoring the sound of our own voices.

We will always come back

Recklessly Impressive Pt. II- A Short Story

I continued to speed the entire way to Selena’s apartment complex. By the time I pulled into the parking lot behind her building, I was sweaty with a racing heartbeat. I parked my Honda even more crookedly than I normally would have and raced up the stairway that led to the back entrance of her apartment.

I quickly skimmed my key ring for the tarnished gold spare key she’d given me the day she moved in, during the first trimester of her pregnancy with Stephan. At that time, her then beloved-boyfriend-now-strictly- baby-daddy Thomas was living  with her part time. By part time, I mean he was there from seven p.m to about eleven thirty on most week nights, excluding Friday and sometimes including the occasional Saturday sleepover. He was forty seven years old, a criminal lawyer with twin daughters in high school. Selena had been practically walking around with hearts in her eyes instead of pupils over him. I’ll admit that he was attractive. He reminded me of George Clooney- if George Clooney were slimey and morally repulsive, that is. I was hardly shocked when he broke her heart via text message. He told her that he wanted to end their romantic relationship and go back to his wife on a full time basis. Selena was beyond devastated. I literally had to move in for about a month and a half to take care of her. What hurt her the most was that Thomas hadn’t wanted to meet Stephan at all, claiming that he didn’t want to “get attached” to his infant son. The only slightly redeeming thing about him was the fact that he sent Selena a big fat check every month for child support, rent, and keeping her mouth shut. To my knowledge, his wife and family knew nothing at all about the affair, never mind his secret love child.

I spotted my key, turned it in the lock, and pushed open the door. I found my best friend perched on the living room couch, smoking her Marlboro Lights. She was slouched over, which caused her to appear even shorter and smaller than usual. Her curly black hair and skin the color of coffee with a ton of cream in it made her an exotic beauty, even in her current state.  Her eyes were almond shaped like her Puerto Rican father, and deep blue thanks to her Irish mother. Tonight,they were also swollen and red. “Hi,” she said quietly. I watched her crush the remaining cigarette butt in the ashtray on the coffee table in front of her, and immediately light up another. “Sit down.”

“I don’t want to sit,” I said, standing in front of her with my hands balled into fists at my sides. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Selena took a deep breathe, and offered me the pack of cigarettes. “You want one of these first?”

I exhaled heavily. “Yeah..that’s probably a good idea.” Some people consider themselves to  be social smokers. I was a long-established, Selena smoker. She never failed to test my nerves. I helped myself to the pack, bending over so that she could give me a light.

“Speak,” I said, taking a drag of my cigarette.

“So,” She began. “ There’s this guy…”

“Selena, are you serious?” I sputtered. “Am I really here right now because ‘there’s this guy’?”

“Just listen to me,” she pleaded. “I need you to listen.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled.

“There’s this guy,” She tried again. “His name is Alex. I met him on Facebook. We’ve been hanging out for a few months…”

“What’s a few months?” I interrupted.

She gulped. “Two and a half months…he’s kind of sort of my boyfriend, actually…”

“ Your boyfriend?! Selena, you promised!” I exclaimed. “Your therapist said it wasn’t a good idea for you to be in a relationship right now. You promised you’d listen!”

“Yeah, well..f*ck my therapist, I guess, right?” She tried to force a giggle.

“It’s not funny, you’re not even really laughing.” I shook my head and sighed. I wanted to feel disbelief, but the truth was that nothing surprised me anymore, not when it came to her. “I don’t know,man. What’s he like? What does he do? How old is he?

“He’s nice,” she said,slowly. “Really nice. He’s twenty-four like us, a manager at the Stop & Shop. He’s in law school right now.”

“Oh, another man of the law,” I snorted. “Beautiful.”

“You don’t have to be so negative.” Her tone was defensive.

“Whatever, do what you want. I know you will anyway,” I shot back at her.

“Well, there’s more to the story, actually…” She paused. “I don’t actually know what I want.”

I flicked the ash from my cigarette into the sparkly, purple ash tray on the coffee table. “Keep going.”

“There’s this other guy,” she continued. “That I think I may really like.”

“You’re upset over that? It’s been two and a half months, it’s not like you’re married. You’re allowed to change your mind,” I said. “Tell me about this other guy-what’s his deal?”

“His name is Michael,” she said, blushing at the sound of her own voice saying his name. “He’s thirty-one, and he works downtown as a paralegal.”

“So when did you start only f*cking attorneys?” I replied.

She smiled as best as she could. “Yeah, yeah…that’s not funny, either.”

“It’s true,” I replied.

“There’s just one more thing.” Selena began to shake, and I saw her crystal blue eyes fill up with tears. “It’s…it’s  a bad, bad thing.”

“Oh, jeez,” I said. “And the waterworks come on in three, two, one…Seriously, what’s the matter? Why are you crying?”

“I can’ say it, ” she cried. “You’re going to think I’m terrible.”

“I already think you’re terrible,” I said, trying to half-joke. This only made her cry harder. I took a deep breathe, assumed what I’d long ago dubbed “the position”; I rested one hand on her back, and used my other hand to gently stroke her hair away from her face. “I’m just teasing. Come on, you know you can tell me anything.”

“Alex and Michael…they know each other,” she managed to say.

“So?” I shrugged. “It’s a small world.”

“No, like they know each other really well. Like really, really well.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. “What are they, best friends or something?”

“No…worse” I watched Selena tremble as she tried to keep her emotions from overtaking her. She swallowed the tears that were building up in her throat. “Brothers…”

Her Story

The sweetest little girl who wore frilly dresses with lacy tights that she needed help putting on. Who went home ‘sick’ because she was afraid of the little boy who growled like a lion during circle time.

The frustrated young girl who cried because she couldn’t read her own handwriting. Who stood and talked to the teacher to avoid recess with the other kids. She rushed home to write stories after school.

The teenage girl who found her best friend in middle school. Who flirted with her gay guy friend because he made her feel safe. She was the most popular nerd in the drama club.

The sixteen year old girl who left her hometown and met her forever friends. Who made many teachable mistakes in love. She never felt pretty , but thanked God she was smart.

The college girl who finally spread her wings. Who fell in love with a broken heart. Who learned to tell everyone where they could go…in the most diplomatic way possible, of course.

The young woman who had so many dreams. She rarely went to sleep before the morning time. She was hopeful, because she trusted.

Oh, how she trusted.

5 Things/Living Beings That Make Me Super Happy

La la la la la/la la la la la la…These are a few of my favorite things…..

Hi. The title of this blog is pretty self explanatory.  Please be warned-the list you’re about to read is as random as I am.

Presenting, “The 5 Things/Living Beings That Make Me Super Happy”

  1. Dogs- I swear I must say the words, “There’s nothing better than a dog” a minimum of five times a week. Rest assured that if we pass each other on the street and you’re walking your four legged canine friend, you can 100% count on me to be that annoying ass girl that asks you to stop so she can pet your dog. There’s really not much you can do to stop me. I love and appreciate the fellow dog enthusiasts who understand where I’m coming from. They are usually pretty friendly, and willing to let me greet and pet their animals. With that being said, I’m very minimally bothered by sour puss faces that aren’t happy to stop and let me say hello to their dogs. Too bad for you, Sour Puss Face-your dog is cute and I care more about his/her opinion of me than yours. True story on numerous occasions. #Shameless

2. Starbucks Anything- I have so many freaking overpriced drink options at Starbucks. If I want java, I’ll usually go for an iced venti soy latte, or (if I’m trying to watch my diet) a grande cold brew iced coffee with a splash of soy milk  & two pumps of  caramel syrup(not the icky sugar free kind)… If I’m very thirsty and eating like I do 97% of the time, I’ll order  a Trenta passionfruit tea lemonade (sweetened) with two generous (push that syrup pump all the way DOWN) pumps of raspberry syrup. The Peach Green Tea Lemonade is also quite good. If I’m thirsty and temporarily dreaming about having an attractive bikini body, I’ll opt to get  a Trenta iced green tea unsweetened. It’s got a hint of mint, which I really like. If I’m looking for something really savory and comforting and don’t care about what I look like in a swimsuit, I’ll  get an iced chai latte with soy milk. Anything larger than a grande makes me feel like a balloon that’s about to pop.

3.Having really really dark hair-I dye my naturally medium brown hair dark dark dark dark brown (Garnier Olia Darkest Brown 3.0, if you wanted to know) every five weeks. I’ve contemplated going lighter many times, but know I just won’t feel like myself. I’m super white (probably too white to have such dark hair, but I honestly don’t care) and love to wear super bold lip colors most of the time. Super bold lips plus very white skin plus practically black hair are just all part of my trademark.

4.Tattoos & Piercings ( mostly tattoos) -I tend to be really thoughtful and careful with my ink. I have five tattoos and made sure I wanted each of them for several months (some, years) before taking the plunge. My piercings were spontaneous, except for the time  my parents fulfilled my request to have my ears pierced at age six. I randomly decided to have my belly button pierced on my twenty-first birthday. I  actually decided to get a nose stud yesterday. I considered it for awhile, and made a spur of the moment decision to go for it.  I regret neither piercing…yet. Loving the nostril stud on day 2, hopefully it works out cause not gonna lie, I’m feeling really cute with my glittery ,tiny tiny nose bling. Fingers crossed!

5.Spending time with my loved ones-My man, my family (and his, who I already consider to be mine), and my best girlfiends. I have so many incredibly awesome people in my life, and I could not feel more grateful and/or blessed. Thank you, God!

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to steal this prompt. Mentioning where you got it from would be a really nice, decent human being thing to do. I have faith in you 🙂

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Happy Place

This is the place that hugs me each and every time I set foot on its ground. The place that I love, the place that has always loved me back. The place that has supported me and sheltered me through some of the greatest heartbreaks I have ever endured. It is a place that has watched me fall, and watched me soar . There is so much history here. The room cradles me, the walls are all-knowing. This place is comforting, like a familiar friend. I have traveled far to come here. I will always go out of my way to come back home.

 

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Night People

Hi all 🙂

It’s Saturday night…actually it’s early Sunday morning. I would like to go to sleep soon, but I just can’t bring myself to go lay down quite yet. The insomniac in me would much rather lay on the couch and write until my eyelids become too heavy to physically stay open.

I’ve been a night person forever. My parents stopped implementing a weekend/summer/holiday bedtime for me when I was about ten or eleven years old. I absolutely loved staying up late. I would routinely consume tons of trashy reality shows on Vh1, along with a side of calorie laden treats like Chips Ahoy! cookies and homemade nachos. Sometimes, I would write in my journal. I wrote about my crushes, mostly. I pretty much always liked a boy in my class, guys who were part of the “in” crowd, guys who wouldn’t have even farted my way back then. I also read books, usually one of my mother’s suspense novels by Mary Higgins Clark. Or sometimes, I read Judy Blume, who in my humble opinion is a literary queen. Good stuff.

What I liked best about the late night time was being the only person in the house that had  stayed awake. My parents went to sleep around ten-ish, and so the house was always super quiet. I loved that. I’ve heard morning people talk about how they love getting up early and enjoying a cup of coffee in solitude. To this very day, I experience that same feeling of peace and happiness from having stayed up late by myself.

My leisurely late night activities haven’t changed much, honestly. I’ll watch reruns of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Teen Mom. I’ll nosh on snacks I know I’ll regret in the morning, like Lime Tostitos. I’ll work on this blog, and refer to my  awesome boyfriend, as I no longer have “class crushes”. I’ll admit, I don’t read much. I unfortunately  don’t have time to do it on a consistent basis. I will say that I did recently enjoy  a memoir by Teresa Giudice (from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, duh)) and her experience as an inmate in Danbury Prison. It was a pretty juicy read , if you’re a reality TV nut like I am. Just a suggestion 🙂

Staying up late  isn’t something I always do, or something I always take pleasure in. With my busy schedule, there are plenty of Friday and Saturday nights  when I’m thrilled to pass out in bed at 9:30 pm. I feel exhausted. There are also plenty of nights when I stay up late, not because I want to, but because I have to get my homework done. While it’s not the worst thing in the world, it’s far from enjoyable.

Still, it’s nice when I can enjoy a long night staying up. It’s crazy to think about how similar I am to my pre-teen/teenager self, in terms of my favorite pastimes. I’ve changed so much in other ways, yet I still find comfort and joy in the same things.

Muy Interesante, right?

My  eyelids are feeling like bricks right now. I guess I’m writing myself to sleep. Hopefully, you’re still awake after reading. If you’re tired too, I’ll forgive you.

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Good night 🙂

What’s On My Mind

Hey all,

So it’s already Wednesday. I always feel like the week goes by so quickly, which I guess is a good thing. I had a lot of things running through  my mind today. Serious, important things. I thought it might be fun to share them with you. Here’s my top 5 random thoughts of the day. They’re mixed with some fun facts, in case you feel like getting to know yours truly.

Here we go…

1. Today is Ash Wednesday, which means no meat. It also means I’ll be spending my Fridays over the next forty days in WTFDIE mode. That stands for’ What the f do I eat’ mode. Today, I brought plain pizza for lunch. No clue what I’m having for dinner later. Maybe a Nutella sandwich, or my scrambled eggs without the turkey bacon and salami….although I don’t know if I’ll be able to enjoy my eggs without turkey bacon or salami. Ugh…

Fun fact: I used to be a vegetarian. I did it once in high school for about 6 months, and again during my freshman year of college. The first time around, I survived on cookies, goldfish crackers, and bagels with butter. The second time I took the plunge, I ate a lot of healthy shit, like tofu scrambles and brown rice pasta.No idea how I did it back then, since having to do it once or twice a week during lent sends me into WTFDIE mode now.

Maybe I’ll just get sushi every Friday. Problem solved!

2. I keep thinking about how happy I am that my kitchen is clean. Like, really freaking happy. I had all these dirty dishes piling up in the sink from Super Bowl Sunday, which was driving my type A ass up the wall. I spent a good forty five minutes washing dishes last night. I also cleaned my stove top. It’s so ridiculous shiny and beautiful now, I can practically see my reflection in it. Maybe I’m weird, but my kitchen being really squeaky clean makes me happier than a pig in shit. Anyone else?

3.  I’ve been going back and forth with myself on this one-should I polish my own nails  for Valentine’s day, or go to the salon to get a gel mani? The real question is, do I feel like shelling out $25.00 plus tip, or spending x amount of hours peeling nail polish boo boos off the skin around my nail beds? Decisions decisions.

4. I need to go to the gym tonight. Like actually go, not just acknowledge my need to go.  Lately, I’ve been working out so inconsistently that I end up spending my sporadic cardio sessions on the  stair master  coughing and wheezing like a sixty year old chain smoker. With bronchitis. Not cool.

5. How come when I bring chips for a snack I always eat them, but when I bring fresh veggies for a snack I’m not hungry? Like how does my stomach know what’s in my snack drawer?

There we go, my five random thoughts of today. What’s on your mind? Let me know in the comments below.If you enjoyed this blog entry, kindly do follow me. Pretty please. Comments and likes would also be mighty nice 🙂